I watch her as she comes out of her car.

I quietly walk towards her.

“You look beautiful”, I say calmly but on the inside I am screaming.

“Let’s work this out” I want to say, “There’s something good here and with a little effort, we can make it work. I love you so much and the thought of being without you is tearing me apart, you are my heart and soul and I can’t live without you!”

“Don’t you understand what your indifference is doing to me?” I want to shout. “This was supposed to be forever, it’s not suppose move this way. You said until death do us part and I believed you. I am lost without you. Please open up to me, I’m not your enemy, I’m your partner and I love you!”

I continue watching her as she lights up her smoke. I look at her long curly hair as she cocks her head slightly to the side to put on her specs and admire the graceful curve of her neck. After a moment, she turns to look at me,

“All done”, she says with a smile but I notice it stops just short of her eyes, they remain cool and distant and something else that I can’t quite put my finger on.

That look cuts me deeper than any blade ever could and I stand up quickly to hide the pain.

“Enough!” I tell myself, “Stop doing this to yourself”.

“After all”, she had said with that mischievous smile that I had come to know so well, “You only become soultmate once”.
Stop !!

My mind screams at me and for a second my legs almost obey.

“Stop and turn to her”, it says with a seething frustration. “Look into her eyes like you did on that day and tell her the truth. Tell her how meaningless your life was until she came into it; tell her how you only feel half alive when she’s not beside you and how much you miss the sound of her laughter”.

I want to so badly that it’s like a physical ache but I can’t, this isn’t my fault, she’s the one being unreasonable.

“Tell her”, something inside of me begs.

“Tell her how even after all these years she still causes your heart to skip a beat when she walks towards you. Tell her how alone you feel when she is not there. Tell her how it’s always just been her, that there could never be another and that she has, and always will have your heart and all that’s good inside of you”.

Instead, I walk out.

After wordlessly waiting for me to slide both arms in, she turns back towards her car.

“Let’s not go”, she says and I hear the urgency in her voice. “Let’s just stay in. To hell with the rest of the world, let’s make this moment for about just the two of us”.

I look into her eyes, searching, and see how desperately she means it and all of the things that I have been holding back flood to the surface.

“I’d like that”, I say not trying to hide the tears that course down my cheeks.

She give a beaming smile and for the first time in a very long time I see the women that I gave my heart to.“I love you”, she says never taking her eyes off of mine.

Gently she takes my hand in her and hugs me tightly as if it’s going to be till eternity.