For people around me, I am a well settled mature man with good bank balance. My friends say and rather most of the time they assume, am having best moments of my life, Y so ? Because I live in a foreign country ! Few think that girls are drooling all over me and few say “Man you are well settles, look at us we are still struggling and surviving” But you guys know what, my heart cries from inside. I might have everything and yet its all empty. I am still alone, the way i was when i was in pursuit of a relationship. Yes, I am alone, I have been left alone by my own ! And here I am, I am all helpless. How weird this word could be, when every moment you feel this helplessness.
I can buy what I want, I can do what I want and yet I can’t have what i want. And this is why i feel helpless. And buddy trust me, this feeling which is prickling my heart and killing me from inside, you too would have gone through it. I know and i firmly believe, it’s just a phase. A dark phase. Perhaps a long phase, But certainly this phase is killing me from inside. Life feels so miserable, life feels so empty when you have no one to share your heart out. Can you imagine, the same person you thought of and walked along for miles is now no where near you. You are ready to do everything, you are ready to sacrifice and yet you can’t have what you want. Trust me, sometimes, i literally think I should have been animal by heart. Damn, this feeling itself is worthless.
My parents think, I am relaxing. They think am sleeping. They believe am in myself. But mate, am killing myself from inside. It hurts. It pains so much that i cry my heart out !
Sometimes, these words are so ridiculous. You wish to pour down all your emotions and they too deceive you. Damn, i find no word to say and express what phase I am in.
Do you know, what hurts most ? When you feel helpless because of your own people. One you loved. One you laughed with. One you wanted to grow old with and that One has now become SOMEONE. I wonder was i ever the one for that person or was i always Someone that way I am today.
You can fight, shout, forget and move on from someone whom you had no feeling for, but you would always cry your heart out and feel helpless for the one you loved.
I wish, I could go back in past and change everything. I wish i could live my life again from scratch. I wish I could express my feelings more loudly. I wish I could show my heart inside out what I have.. I wish .. I wish so much that yes I am sitting here thinking, grieving hurting myself with this feeling of helplessness !!
I will survive this, I will come out of this. But I wonder what would i be. Probably an animal with human body, who would never feel, who would never trust, who would never give hold someone’s hand ..
I am scared, I am scared of myself now !
Think !! Think about yourself ! Think about the days, when you felt the same ! Think when you got cheated ! Think when you got misjudged ! Think of the days, when you saw your world changing in front of your eyes and you stood there feeling helpless ! Didn’t you feel that you lost all ! Didn’t you get agitated and restless !
If you haven’t you would ! This is also an experience !!
Bless you all !!
Ashish Mishra's Blog 
I’ve had my heart broken, but it happened when I was young. I was depressed for a year, I think. If my wife left me now, it would be much more devastating. I love her in ways that people love their children and friends and parents. If she left, I would want her to have everything. I would want her to be happy the same way I want my son and daughter to be happy. I would feel lost. Dead and gone inside.
I imagine you are feeling about the way I would feel. The only good news is that adults get divorced on a routine basis and rarely does the loss destroy them completely. While you’re making it through this dark painful time, others are making their way through it, too, some of them at the same time. They’re with you, in that sense.
Sometimes there is help for the pain in simple things like yoga, basketball, running, writing, music, dancing in the dark, talking to a pro, reading about UFO’s, googling depression, eating watermelon, bringing a fresh peach pie to your worst enemy and leaving it with a note of forgiveness.
If you can pray, that helps. If not, just go out on clear nights and look up into the sky with a warm coat on. You’ll see a new perspective for a brief moment. That will help you.
The meaning of life revolves around maximizing your free will and maximizing the size and intensity of your circle of empathy, or love. Free will and concern for others. Take these two and call me in the morning. 😉
And hang tough, my friend.
Talmage
http://www.storiform.com