At times while lying on bed, the only warmth i get is from those memories which once gave me peace and hope. Hope that now there is nothing to think beyond this and peace that finally you not alone.

This is bit weird to say, but for me this has become kind of routine. While looking for peace through someone, i have literally forgot that i need to make peace with myself. One has to stop running and stop chasing always. There should be fullstop so that new paragraph start. The emotions are choking me. It’s neither coming out neither it is leaving. So much to say and yet so little to express. 

How long would I be able to hold or how long will i be able to wander. To this i still have no answer. When i look behind, I realise and see everything where I was and now where I am sitting. It takes a while when you accept that yes, it was mistake to let go. It was mistake not to hold. It was mistake to try further hard. It was mistake to start a new journey perhaps. I wish, I had that magic wand. I would have surely would had changed even the smallest mistakes I did. 

I know I am still to an extent confused and bit cowardice, as i am still not able to put my heart out and speak everything. But maybe this is how one becomes wise. Don’t know. Got no one to teach me neither have anyone with whom I can speak out my heart. But guess, i don’t need no one. Not for some time. I want to find myself. I wish to be myself. I just want to be me for sometime. 

Perhaps, this is how each of us feel sometimes. Perhaps, a time comes when we got so much to say but we have no words to express. It is all inside heart and mind but cannot find a way out. Sometimes it suffocates, sometimes it troubles and yes sometimes it makes you smile as well. 

Life is also so weird. So many journeys. So many experiences. So many emotions and yet life at times finds itself in a lonely corner. Truly agree it is a phase, but even that phase is a different feeling. You can’t speak and if you speak it literally makes no sense to other person. 

Whatever it is, one this is for sure I guess soon i would have courage to face all and would be able to look behind with head straight….

Love, 

Ashish